On Cleaning and Maintenance
by Elizabeth Burke
Summary: A how-to guide on caring for the Hub and those who call it home.


**Author's Note: I've bee** **n reading a lot of fics on Torchwood's guests lately, and this idea was sparked. Ideas for expansion, suggestions for improvement, and help with British spellings or grammar, are all welcome and encouraged.**

I. Preface

Welcome to On Cleaning and Maintaining the Hub. Your guide to Torchwood Three's home maintenance and upkeep. For cleaning outside the Hub, see the section on minimizing exposure. The purpose of this guide is to serve as an aid to developing a cleaning routine, as in all things Torchwood a certain degree of flexibility and adaptability will be required.

The first thing to remember is the Hub large and our job is messy, keeping it properly sanitised is no small feat. It is an important job task that cannot be neglected.

Note on divisions of labour: There are no good ways to ensure true fairness at Torchwood, in this task on any other. While hiring of a full-time caretaker is recommended by staff it has henceforth been rejected by Jack, perhaps you will have better luck on that front. Recommendations (in lieu of caretakers) will be provided for each section.

Lastly, please feel free to modify this chapter with instructions for any new inhabitants.

II. Emergency Maintenance

Of top priority is dealing with cleaning up any on the job incidents. If someone is critically injured, or killed, or destroyed in the Hub cleaning up any resulting fluids is imperative. Leaving a mess around could be hazardous. Moreover, our jobs are emotionally taxing enough without stains of blood or ectoplasm reminding someone of a fallen colleague, friend, or guest.

Solutions for commonly encountered fluids-such as those belonging to humans and weevils-should remained stocked in the supplies closet. Special formulas needed beyond the standard washing up liquids and powders are provided in the recipes sections of the manual. I cannot stress enough that the only thing worse than having a room covered in blood is a room covered in blood you don't the supplies to clean, so check the stock regularly.

On-the-job incidents are often highly traumatic. The kind thing to do is pick the most emotionally-detached team member to handle them, though on occasion we've discovered cleaning can provide closure. Use your best judgement.

Lastly, always make a priority of mopping up spills. It may seem absurd to include sopping up spilled tea alongside tidying up after death, but when you're a man down because a distracted coworker spilled in a puddle, you'll learn to keep the floors dry.

III. Everyday Maintenance

In contrast to emergency maintenance, is the cleaning that must be done continuously, due to the sheer size of the Hub. All of these tasks (save the ones marked WARNING) are able to delayed if necessary but are liable to pile up quick.

Walls: dust and wipe down; eliminate cobwebs; mud over any dents, holes, or claw marks.

Floors: sweep or mop; regrout, or replace cracked tiles as needed.

Cells: test bars and locks regularly (at least once-a-month) to avoid escapees. You don't want all the work you expended capturing a threat undone because your doors aren't in working order. Between inhabitants and during moves and showers, thoroughly sanitise each cell. Empty cells should be swept and wiped like other floors and walls.

Freezer: Check freezers for consistent temperature at least werkly, though daily is recommended, you definitely do not want anyone thawing off schedule. Clean chambers between inhabitants and test coolant lines biannually.

Common areas: wash furniture after uncommon uses or spillage (if possible make who soiled it clean it up). Vacuum furniture, fabrics, draperies, and rugs in rotation with mopping and dusting.

Workstations: wipe down keyboards and monitors daily. Leave specialised workstations largely up to the teammate who uses them. Your tech may threaten to kill for closing the wrong program, and your medic may not appreciate attempts to straighten implements, especially if you throw out irreplaceable specimens. We recommend leaving notes for each other to avoid these kind of accidents.

Filing: almost all paper files have been converted into the digital archive. Jack largely maintains, updates, and straightens the paper files once reports come in, though he will appreciate it if you wash the outside of the filing cabinet when dusty.

Kitchen: check appliances for maintenance and keep clean. Remove trash and do dishes daily; clean old items out of refrigerator weekly and scrub shelves weekly. Straighten cabinets after restocking. Restock emergency kits after use, general staple foods as needed. WARNING! Keep so much coffee and tea on hand that it feels ridiculous: it isn't.

Laundry: check appliances for good working order biannually. Clean lint traps between uses. Clean dryer vents quarterly.

Bathroom: WARNING! Rinse and dry showers between each use. Many substances washed off of your colleagues may react violently with other chemicals producing solvents, unpleasant gases, and in at least one documented case: a small explosion. See Table 12 for further details. Toilets, sinks, and mirrors, can be scrubbed with normal household cleaning fluids. Keep well-stocked with overnight items for coworkers, paper products, and toilet protectors.

Everyday maintenance should be divided among all Torchwood staff as time and talents allow. Dated checklists will keep everyone organised. Post prominently in each area.

IV. Inhabitants

Freezers: The longest of the long-term inhabitants are to be found in the freezers. As long as the freezers themselves are maintained and working properly, most will be fine. In the event of thawing, frost build-up, or other mechanical fault, evacuating and finding new storage for everybody should be given top priority.

Myfawny: the Hub's largest guest is relatively low maintenance. Occasionally setting out fresh nesting material alongside meals is recommended. Droppings can be removed with the solution detailed in the Myfawny's recipe section. Check common perches every three to six months for wear and tear; reinforce or replace as needed. Myfawny loves a good bubblebath. Use a gentle cleanser, sturdy ladders, and the oversized toothbrush looking implement to extend your reach. Rinse and dry brush thoroughly between uses.

Weevils: bathing is recommended once to twice monthly, depending on the numbers of weevils is recommended to reduce smell. Mouth-guard tamer weevils, or sedate newcomers for safest bathing. Use only specially formulated weevil shampoo.

Note 1: The weevils have an automatic shower, labelled unsurprisingly 'Weevil Shower'.

Note 2: While some members of the team escort a weevil for cleasing, others should inspect and make needed repairs to cells or restraints. Cells should be hosed free of waste, old food scraps removed.

Note 3: Weevil dislike water in their ears.

Pond creatures: From time to time, Torchwood houses an aquatic guest. Be they Earthbound or alien, water should be changed whenever it becomes murky. Ponds should be drained and refilled between inhabitants to prevent cross-contamination. Ponds may be skimmed weekly, provided the resident doesn't eat the skimmer.

Humanoids: The primary difference with human guests is a greater need for comfort. Try to minimize movement-limiting restraints unless they pose a direct and immediate threat to employee or others' safety. Provide bedding materials and entertainment in addition to food. Extra linens are available in the same cupboard as the restraints.

Jack: Let it be noted that Jack protests his inclusion in this section of the manual. Jack will clean and largely maintain his own living and office space, but may request help over time. Jack likes a cup of tea in the morning, his lunch before noon, late night companionship, and a hug after death.

Last edited by: Ianto Jones 2007, September.


End file.
